Accusations of a Clouseaualike

Let me preface this by saying, “I’m not gay.” I don’t say that because I want to go “ohohoohohohoholookatawthepoofs” but I want to make it clear that I’ve not done this because I’ve been whipped into a frenzy by an attack on my own sexuality. That’s a disclaimer. Also, this This Album Contains Explicit Content. Like the word ‘fuck’.

I got up this morning/afternoon (don’t look at me like that, it was a heavy night) and found a card through my letterbox which had arrived independently of the mail (it just arrived as I’m typing this, in case you’re wondering). It was from the “Scotland For Marriage” organisation who are petitioning for a referendum on homosexual marriage.

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Hi, America.

I don’t know you very well. To be honest, besides the idea of food cooked in an oil-drum, I’ve never really understood what your contribution is.

See, there’s times that I want nothing more than to escape the life and country that I live in. I’d love to escape a country where self-serving bigots fight one-another for no reason other than to see who can make the most money and the nationalists desperately cling to a world that was relevant to people 600 years ago.

Sometimes I think about moving to America.

I never do because I know that I’d be moving to a country that seems intent on keeping its guns, its racism and its outdated codes of practice.

Guys, I hate to over-simplify the issue but America is supposed to be The Land of the Free. You know what that means to me? You’re free to fuck who you want, you’re free to believe what you want, you’re free to choose the way you live your life. The latter’s the sticking point really. You’re free to choose how you want to live your life.

If you want to gun someone away with a shotgun then that’s your issue. That’s what laws are for.

When I think about America, I think about a country that values immigration and differences. You lot are the only fuckers that would put up with Craig Ferguson, I’ll tell you that for free. The more I look at it though, I worry that you’re not the progressive people that I believe. America seems to be Europe in Macrocosm. Some states are liberal and don’t see the harm in welcoming new cultures and people to their shores. Some of you hate the idea.

The thing I don’t understand is how anyone who is so against immigration from other countries can justify the… y’know… the native american thing. You’re all descended from immigrants. No other country in the world can trace their heritages back to such a varied group.

Why not embrace it?

The more you push people away with your self-protectorate attitude (I include healthcare and social benefit in this), the more you’re going to discourage economic immigrants who will provide to your economy. You know why? ‘Cause most economic immigrants aren’t utter cunts.

If we were, we’d want to stay in our own countries.